Bud Light’s Fall Flannel Variety Pack provokes interesting responses

This week, we are looking at the Bud Light Seltzer Fall Flannel Pack. Bud Light knew Johnnies and Bennies would relate to their “flannel pack,” as flannels appear to be the only choice of clothing for students during the fall. We fall into that category as well.

Included in this pack is Toasted Marshmallow, Pumpkin Spice, Maple Pear and Apple Crisp, and we created a special combination drink of each one. Each seltzer is 100 calories and 5% ABV.

Special guest reviewer this week is Abby Goff, CSB Senate vice president and lover of La Croix, aka Apple Goof (Sam and Mack do not approve of her love of La Croix; let that be made clear).

Apple here. From the minute I walked in, it became clear to me that my fellow reviewers had been living in a cave of their own creation for over a year. The apartment was unkempt and their hygiene was abysmal.

However, I was overtaken by a sudden female urge I know all too well: “I can fix them.” Thus, I embarked upon a journey of fall-flavored discovery.

I chose to begin with the most traumatic of the options: Toasted Marshmallow. As was the case with my childhood, we decided to start with the trauma then move into the good stuff.

You may be asking, “Apple, aren’t you being a little harsh? Who doesn’t love a toasted marshmallow?”

Apparently, The Bud Knight, because he made this drink absolutely heinous. I am not saying I have sucked on people’s toes, but if I had, hypothetically, this drink would taste worse.

The taste was strong, far too strong for a seltzer. The suffocating sweetness began choking me out the second this bubbly beverage hit my taste buds.

It took all my willpower to swallow this foul liquid, but Sam and Mack informed me that spitting the drink out was not an option.

Thus, I forced the beverage down my throat. As I sit here writing this piece, the flavor has long since vacated my mouth, but tragically the memories remain. I am a lover of all things bubbly and taste-shy, La Croix, seltzers, you name it, so this beverage felt like an assault on my identity. I will be pressing charges. It could be a trick of the brain, but once we realized it tasted like s’more Pop Tarts, it seemed to taste a little better.

Pumpkin spice lattes and long black jackets are a Bennie staple. Now that the weather has turned cold and half of the staple made their first appearance last week, it seemed like the best time to test the Pumpkin Spice seltzer.

Like any other pumpkin-flavored drink, we were worried it would be overwhelming. That worry was warranted as that is exactly what we fell victim to.

It reminded us of being bullied by teenage girls outside of Starbucks…left in a poor mood and with a bad taste in our mouths.

Pear maple seltzers. It is quite possible this flavor combination has never seen the light of day and for good reason.

The drink tasted like carbonated maple syrup, which had been sitting next to a rotting basket of pears for a few days. However, it certainly could have been worse (we’re looking at you, Ms. Toasty Mallow).

For the first few sips, this drink was relatively potable, like a lukewarm bathtub. Beyond this threshold of mediocrity, the drink becomes a bit much.

A possible serving suggestion that we did not try, though, is to drizzle the seltzer on a warm plate of pancakes. I imagine the beverage would pair nicely with some sopping wet pancakes, so perhaps this could be an avenue for future research.

Apple was most disturbed by this drink, whereas Sam and Mack seemed relatively amiable to the beverage. Then again, Mack drinks Busch Light by choice, so it’s quite possible his palate has been corrupted.

The Apple Crisp seltzer was not far off from the others in terms of overwhelming flavor for a seltzer. It had an initial flavor like the caramel apple suckers we all love followed by an overwhelming cinnamon flavor.

After forcefully downing the entire drink, we were filled with an aftertaste that was comparable to Fireball.

Some would call Mack a genius—not him— but some people. You might ask who those people are but you wouldn’t know them. They go to a different school. It was as if the Greek god Dionysus came down from Olympus and whispered in his ear, “ανακατέψτε τα.”

He had no idea what that meant, so Dionysus went to the Canadian Parthenon to get Jim Lahey to give him the message.

Gifted by a message from the gods, Mack mixed all four drinks. Expecting a flavor combination similar to mixing all of the drinks from the finest American eating establishment, McDonald’s, this combination was better than the drinks on their own.

Apple reacted to it rather strangely, saying, “The feeling of La Croix coursing down my throat, leaving a burning sensation in its wake, is the only thing that makes me feel alive.”

This special combination was dominated by the maple syrup flavor, but with a hint of cinnamon coming through.

Please don’t consume alcoholic beverages if you are under 21 and follow the law. If you are of legal drinking age, please drink responsibly and… stop at buzzed!

Are you a single Bennie (or Johnnie for Apple) who enjoys long walks? Do you have strong thoughts on alcoholic beverages? Do you like reliving your childhood and jumping on trampolines? Well, see you at AirMaxx Trampoline Park on Friday night.

Slide into our inboxes with review requests, but we will only respond if you close the email with XOXO. Then we know you’re serious.

Remember, if you are of age, stop at buzzed! Anyways, back to choring.