Beer Reviewers enlist help of Cold Spring native to rate local brews

Welcome back to another week of tomfoolery and outrageously hot takes. We are joined this week by our good friend, colleague and arguably the #1 fan of our beer review (with the exception of Brian Rademacher of course): Charlie (Chach) Matuska. Since he is our resident Cold Spring native, we thought it only reasonable to review Cold Spring’s Third Street Brewery. We would like to preface this article by apologizing to Marty Ellis (Chuck Ellis’s dad and Cold Spring native) for any heinous takes contained in this article. We will be sure not to diss his people. Also, remember to Stop @ Buzzed and only indulge in these beverages if you are 21+.

**Bock Beer**

This beer claims to be the GOAT on the label, obviously the LeBron James of beers, but Chuck says Michael Jordan. That’s a debate for another day. The can sports the retro Cold Spring Brewing Co. logo. This worried Chuck due to scary stories of Cold Spring Lite passed down from his father. However, this little number had a nice grain scent and amber hue. A bit molasses forward, but with a slight angry bitter aftertaste. Jack was floored by this brew, concluding that it rivaled Shiner Brewing’s take on a bock. This libation reminds Chach of sitting around a winter bonfire in the great town of Cold Spring with his hometown kin. Chuck agreed, noting that this would pair perfectly with his old cabin. Our good friend and frequent guest, Mason, was reminded of what his grandma Jeanie may have been drinking when she fell down the stairs. We don’t really know what he means by this, but it merits consideration. – Our player comps: Chuck: Rudy Grobert on the T-Wolves; phenomenal at setting screens, but was it worth selling everything but the kitchen sink? Chach: Gordon Hayward on the Jazz; young and exciting but won’t live up to its potential ultimately due to poor structure. Doyle: Khris Middleton

**Sugar Shack Maple Stout**

This little number is near and dear to us. Named after St. John’s very own Sugar Shack, Third Street Brewing was given exclusive monastic rights to use St. John’s maple syrup in this brew. It’ll be hard to give this one an objective review, but we’ll try. It has dark and sweet notes on the nose. It retains the beautiful maple syrup flavor on the front end of the sip, with notes of a smoky stout on the back end but eliminates the harshness you would expect from a typical stout. If Chach is calling any beer in our sampling the GOAT, this one takes the title.

– Disclaimer: you’ll definitely need a palate cleanser (perhaps some lemon sorbet or a nice clean water) after one of these.

– Shoutout to John Geissler as well, who led the Abbey Conservation Corps and kept the maples in the arb healthy to produce this beer and other delicacies from the maple syrup.

**Minnesota Gold Micro Razz (aka “Mico Rizz”)**

This beer had us asking, is two enough? And we aren’t talking about carbs. It looked like a seltzer, claims to be a beer but is more a lovechild of both. You can fit a few of these brews in the back of your gameday bibs or if you’re a big fan of parachute pants. At only 88 calories and just two carbs, you might as well substitute this puppy for Gatorade. We suspect that gut rot might set in pretty quick after a few of these puppies as it reminds us of a watery Naturday’s with a grimy aftertaste.

**Minnesota Gold**

I mean, it’s alright, but overrated as all hell in our opinion. Meh. We all know what it tastes like out of a Sal’s tap.

By the time you read our next review, Chach Matuska will be off to South Africa for the remainder of the semester. We will miss him with all of what’s left of our hearts. Chuck had the opportunity of a lifetime to talk to his future wife this past weekend (and to our surprise actually talked to her instead of watching Serena Williams) but will have to let her go for the time being. The long game is in effect. Love you all. Long season.