Beer reviewers celebrate new school year with reliable brews

Bennies and Johnnies, welcome to the 2022-23 Beer Review Column!

Cue “Sirius” by The Alan Parsons Project.

We have some big shoes to fill from last year’s columnists, Sam and Mack (especially Sam), but they’ve given us their blessing to carry on the Beer Review tradition.

If you’re still reading this, first of all, thank you. Second of all, if you are under 21, file the coming recommendations away until you are of legal age to drink. To those who are 21+, please drink responsibly and always stop at buzzed.

Without further ado, we should introduce ourselves:

**Jack Doyle, SJU ‘23 Hometown: Dubuque, IA**

Anyone reading this column that’s worth a salt knows that the ideal time to have a beer is in between Head and Shoulders and before Old Spice. A shower beer, especially after a workout or your fifth canvas notification of the day, is one of life’s simple and pure pleasures. I personally have a cup holder for mine in Seton 208, and I’d recommend you all get the same (keep it out of Boni though).

To be more St. Joe centric, my favorite time of the week, a personal ritual, and maybe the most slept on deal at all the bars in St. Joe is $7 Hamm’s pitchers on Thursday at the Middy.

Now, I personally think Hamm’s out of a can is mid at best (apologies to good friends Kate Paal and Nick Franta), but there’s something about the slightly flat and exceedingly smooth taste from the Middy’s tap that vaults it to the top of my list.

Pitchers one and two are typically accompanied by stimulating conversations about the day’s comings and goings. Pitchers 3 through ?? lead to hundreds of dollars wasted on Touch Tunes credits (you can count on Charlie to play Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls a few too many times) and a table covered in flat libations.

I’m sure everyone’s dying to know my staple beer by now, and I’d say it’s location dependent. In Iowa, the cornfields and smell of manure in my backyard (not lying) make me want a crispy Busch Light. We’ve all had it, and it’s tried and true.

However, this neck of the woods makes me want a Golden Light. It’s not flashy, it’s not something to write home about, but you’re absolutely fronting if it isn’t on your short list of easy-drinking cans to have around.

**Charlie Ellis, SJU ‘23 Hometown: Medina, MN**

I couldn’t agree more with Jack’s take on shower beers (an absolute delight), but personally, there is nothing more satisfying, more rewarding, more enriching after a long week of painstaking classes consisting of Cobb-Douglas functions and chiral centers (yeah, I was a pre-med major for a semester) than a Friday beer. That feeling when a fresh Friday beer hits your lips is a jumpstart to the excitement and madness to come throughout the weekend.

If you’re reading this on the day this edition is issued, feel free to stop by Seton 205 and have one with me (refer to the previous disclaimer). If not…check the MiddyI would like to thank The Record for being the only source of print media to publish my hot (and sometimes outrageous) takes; and my affinity for Michelob Ultra is no exception. (Take your time…get all your anger out right now). Is it the best tasting beer? Not really. Does it smell like your shoes after wiping the floor in an intermural basketball game? Kinda.

But like Jack said, it’s not about flashiness. Packing a slick 95 calories in this puppy, you can always depend on it to help counteract your dining habits at the Reef while the slim can allows you to fit at least four into your back pockets on your way to a tailgate with plenty of room to spare. (Be my guest and run a cost-benefit analysis on this and tell me that’s not a good use of my liberal arts education…I’ll wait).

Anyway, this salt of the earth elixir is a catalyst for many lifelong friendships and terrifying memories. Looking ahead, we plan on reviewing some local favorites from Minnesota taphouses with a few special guests. You’ll likely find us around St. Joe, and we’d love to meet you and take any recommendations on your personal favorites (if you disagree, you can buy us a drink of what you think we should have, and we may change our minds). Leave the ciders, seltzers, and Four Lokos (God help us all) at home for now, and let’s have a year.

PS- To the Bennie that Charlie ignored while intently watching Serena Williams’ last match at the Middy, he is sorry and he would like a second chance.

Slainte everyone!