Leaving a life you know in exchange for a life you love

One cool night in mid-March, the evening routine at the Abadía de Jesucristo Crucificado in Esquipulas, Guatemala was in full swing. The general hubbub of dinner cleanup had calmed down, and like any other night, I took a few minutes to bounce around and mingle with some of the monks. On this particular night, I found myself sitting across from Padre Juan, one of the veteran priests and somewhat of a “fun uncle” figure in the monastery. Many of the younger monks look up to him for his mentorship, warm sense of humor, and well-timed words of wisdom.

After shooting the breeze for a bit, he asked how I was feeling as my time as a volunteer in Esquipulas was reaching its end. I shared that it was a mix of emotions and that I was torn between my longing for home and my love for Esquipulas and the people I’ve met here. Padre Juan gave a gentle, understanding nod and started his response how I expected he would. He affirmed that it was normal to have those conflicting feelings and that it was important to take it all in and enjoy the time I have left here. Then, he went in a direction I wasn’t expecting. He added something to the effect of, “You will carry all the good things you’ve gained here back with you. Your life will be so different in beautiful ways because of your time here.” That caught me off guard. I knew he was right, but I hadn’t given much thought to the aftermath of my volunteer year.

I left that conversation thinking about the BVC mission statement: “Prayer, service, and community living worldwide to transform lives.” I had been given a new question to ponder: Whose life was being transformed? Before my chat with Padre Juan, I had been so focused on how my work was transforming the lives of the monks, my students, my fellow teachers, and the general Esquipulas community. However, this wise Guatemalan monk, who has become a good friend, had shown me a new understanding of that phrase, “to transform lives.” I had never really stopped to consider that, maybe the life that was undergoing the biggest transformation through my volunteerism was my own.

After some reflection, I realized I had undoubtedly felt that transformation. Seeing the joy and curiosity in my students, gaining insight from my colleagues, making music in a gorgeous basilica, and swapping stories with the monks have all been nothing short of life-giving. Now, as my adventure in Guatemala enters its final days, I find myself tackling the daunting question, which I’m sure isfamiliar to many of you: What’s next? As my gaze has shifted from my life here to my fast-approaching life back home, it has left me wondering how it will be different because of these priceless past few months.

My time in Central America has certainly changed me in the best ways, but how was this experience going to make my life different back in the States? How will my life back home be transformed because of this year? I suppose those aren’t questions I can completely untangle right now, but what I do know now is that I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life answering them.