Start this year with a mindset to reflect

In her novel “White Oleander,” author Janet Finch writes, “A lot of people think they should be happy all the time. But the writer understands you need both. You need the whole piano, the richness of the whole human experience. Depression, suffering and anger are all part of being human. Even though it’s very painful as an individual to go through these things, for the writer it’s essential. The idea is to not feel wrong because you’re feeling this stuff. It will be of value.” It turns out this is true for everyone.

Everyone has heard it before. “New year, new you.” While entering a new year, there is this notion that we must leave our old feelings and issues in the past. With a new year comes new opportunities for growth, new opportunities for improvement, new opportunities to do and become better. While this is true, I challenge the belief that the new year must be the moment you forget about your grief.

The turning of the calendar doesn’t erase you, and especially notyour feelings of pain and anguish. Acknowledging the anger, suffering and sadness that accompany grief is just as important as appreciating the joy and love in life. Bringing those somber emotions with you into 2023 doesn’t erase those opportunities for growth. In fact, embracing these feelings can be a catalyst for growth.

This is hard for some folks to hear. From a young age we are asked about New Year’s resolutions and how we want to personally improve. You’ve heard them all before: “I want to read ten books,” or “I want to run a half-marathon,” or “I want to go on ten dates this year.” These are all respectable resolutions and should not be disregarded. Heck, one of my resolutions is to write five opinion pieces. But when was the last time you heard or personally made a resolution to prioritize and care for your emotions? “This year, I will fully embrace and move forward with these emotions.” That’s right people, 2023 is the year of self-love: mental health edition. The first step to escaping this old mentality is to attempt to replace it with a new one.

So, as we enter 2023, don’t try and leave your old self behind. Take the broken parts with you. Take the parts that need a bit of extra love with you. Go into 2023 reflecting, not forgetting. Instead of setting a specific goal, choose a word that captures the mindset you want to adopt in 2023. This word should nudge you toward positive change whenever you think of it. Try a few words on for size and settle on the one that will help you focus on things that are most meaningful to you. Ask yourself: Why this word? I sifted through a few options before deciding on my 2023 word—breathe. It’s simple, but it helps me get through difficult situations I find myself in. I urge you to find your word and start this new year with a mindset to reflect, not forget.