College offers unique opportunity to determine your own identity

Belonging is one of the deepest needs we have as human beings. We want to feel a part of something and accepted as a member of the “in-group.” We all know about the influence of the popular group–they can influence nearly every part of our existence.

From what we wear (I still will never understand the socks and sandals movement) to how we interact (cough-Snapchat-cough), peer pressure can almost hold us hostage. Sometimes it can motivate us to do positive things, like study with our friends, or it can motivate us to defy our values and make choices that lead to unwanted consequences.

College is a time where you can explore your options with a sense of greater freedom, often outside the watchful eyes of your parents. College is also a time to learn and practice the adult that you want to be. There will be mistakes. There will be successes. And learning can be hard.

It can be difficult to isolate yourself from the cacophony of suggestions by others as you navigate your own growth. You aren’t powerless. There are steps you can take to help you choose the path to your own identity and minimize the unwanted outcomes:

Pay attention to your own reactions. We sometimes ignore the subtle indications that tell us we may be straying from our own values. This comes in all forms: anxiety or discomfort, nausea, unsettlement, thoughts that make you pause and suspension in indecision. These may be the signs you need to check in with yourself. What motivations are you relying on to make your choices? Do they align with who you are or what you believe? Are you afraid that if you make your own choice, you won’t be accepted or liked?

Build up your confidence. If you feel like your choices may fall outside of popularity, find others who share your passions. Attend events and take the chance to begin a conversation about your experience with someone new. Be daring and engage in activities that feed your passions on your own. This can be liberating and affirming as you follow your path.

Examine your use of social media. Social media is an undeniable part of our world. The peer pressure we face may be most powerfully felt through social media. From the influencers who make life seem more glamorous than it is in reality to those around you who feel free to say what they want because they are “behind the screen,” it can feel impossible to escape their presence. Check in with yourself as you engage with social media. Who are you following? What messages are you receiving? What motivations do they have for sharing what they share? If you find that you are no better off, or neutral, as a result of your time on social media, consider changing your relationship with it. Turn off notifications. Bury the app to make it harder to log on. Connect with other forms of communication to limit the influence.

If you are feeling stuck, reach out. You may find your closest friends are feeling the same way, as you all are in the same social soup. Counseling may help you to build the confidence you need to step out on your own journey. Blame your parents if you need to set a limit or choose otherwise.

Check out the ACT Coach app or the Pros/Cons app to help you examine values or make decisions.