Tropical beers prove anything but vacation-worthy

After we both viewed the new Manti Te’o documentary on Netflix titled, “The Girlfriend Who Didn’t Exist,” we decided to drown our tears that were totally for a lost football career and nothing else with a Kona Variety Pack.

That’s right baby, the wonderful staff at The Record have not kicked us out of the bottom corner of page three yet, so buckle up. Remember, don’t consume alcoholic beverages if you are under 21, and if you’re of legal drinking age, stop at buzzed!

Many of you are likely familiar with Kona’s flagship beer, Big Wave Golden Ale. Given that it’s one of our summer favorites, we thought it appropriate to review these before the leaves (and our beers) turn a shade darker. Big Wave, along with three other tropical brews, will hopefully give an approachable, but quality pack to grab for the weekend.

**Longboard Island Lager**

We have absolutely nothing special to say about this beer. It exists. We still have no idea what Island Lager means.

**Gold Cliff IPA**

This was a subject of major contention between our roommates, who joined us for the first and last time while we wrote the column. It’s a lighter IPA with pleasant notes of pineapple and a bitter finish. Think of if a McGolden had a love child with a Pina Colada and it listened to Nirvana before it was cool. Our final take on Gold Cliff? Solid, but not for everyone.

**Hanalei Island IPA**

This beer tastes like bitter, grape-fruity regret. The label has a lovely seal that promises flavors of “passionfruit, orange and guava,” but the three fruits show up as much as a hungover senior to their 8 a.m. To put it bluntly, this beer is bland, uneventful and not recommended.

**Big Wave Golden Ale**

This beer does more heavy lifting than Boz Bostrom in his Twitter videos. It’s by far our favorite in the pack after tasting all four. It has light notes of pineapple and citrus. For those who like a Blue Moon or Summer Shandy, think of this as a lighter middle ground. It’s comfortable in its own bottle and a start to a good Friday. Keep away it in the winter.

**Consensus**

Kona makes their money off strategic tropical branding for us Midwestern bumpkins. We don’t think these beers are worth tasting at all. Next time, we’re grabbing a 12-pack of Big Wave and leaving the rest to collect dust on the shelf. Nico, we’re sorry, but not really. To the Bennie mentioned in our first column, Charlie is patiently waiting, and his email is found above (but anyone is welcome to reach out).