On change, saying goodbye and being gentle

That time of year has arrived. You have packed up all of your things.

Your finals are drawing to a close. You may have begun to feel eager for your break.

The relief of the end of the semester is before you, but this may all be overshadowed by your goodbyes.

Friends are graduating, transferring, leaving or simply departing for now but we still must say goodbye.

We must also say goodbye to the places that have held meaning for us and may have given us our “home” away from home.

You may not have anticipated the mixed feelings you have for the end of the semester.

You might have expected to feel alleviation from the stress, energetic from the change in weather and sadness that you are returning to the rules and oversight of your parents.

You might find yourself dreading the end of the semester because that might mean bidding farewell to friends, freedom and excitement.

As you sort. through the many competing emotions, new emotions may begin to emerge: regret, doubt, fear, forgiveness, loss.

We enter college with a range of expectations for what it will be.

As we near the end, whether it is the end of a semester, year, or college, we naturally reflect upon and compare our experience to any expectations we may have had. And we might find ourselves disappointed.

It’s likely that some of our expectations weren’t met.

Many were completely unrealistic. Some we never saw coming.

We often spend our time in anticipation of change and transition recalling our experiences and working to define what it was that we had.

We naturally wish to create a narrative that allows us the space to learn, grieve and move forward into the next chapter, whatever that may be.

As you seek to define this narrative, give yourself the gift of self- compassion as you recall your college experience and remind yourself that you have been learning.

You may also find yourself working to reconcile your friendships.

We are often under a great deal of pressure to find and establish our “lifelong friends” in college.

As we look back, we may not have realized the range of friends we have made and lost.

We may discover that our friendships were somewhat in flux throughout college and that we entered and left the orbit of many people.

Some may have stuck, many did not.

We may be tempted to judge our social experiences in our reflection.

You may realize that there are changes you wish you could make about your social life in college.

If you have such desires, give yourself the gift of forgiveness for yourself and those around you.

Another may be romantic life. As I have previously written, we are under immense pressure to couple at college.

It may seem like everyone else has a partner, except you.

You may benefit from being gentle in your judgments about your dating life and remind yourself that you have been and will continue to grow.

If you haven’t found your person yet, give yourself the gift of hope.

As you depart campus, give yourself these gifts as well as the lessons you might have learned along the way.

This time of year is full of a chaos of emotions along with the anticipation of your future life ahead.

Know that you leave behind a place that deeply wishes you well and will always cheer for your success.