Navigating through change with grace, patience and planning

Change can be truly daunting. For most of us, it brings up feelings we often try to avoid: discomfort, sadness, pain, loneliness and jealousy.

Because we feel out of control, we frequently do everything we can to feel in charge of the situation. Sometimes, this works and helps us deal with the shift; other times, it ends up making our emotions more intense and leaves us feeling stuck. So, how can we navigate change successfully?

1. Give yourself permission for it to be hard. We sometimes set the expectation that change should be easy, but humans are designed to establish routines and find comfort in regularity. Our brains must grow new networks to have things feel easy and routine. So, when you experience change, your brain literally has to create new connections. You might benefit from leaning into the feelings you don’t want to have and give your brain the space to develop those new connections to make the change situation more “normal.”

2. Give change time–we also seem to expect our adjustment to change to happen instantaneously. We do adjust to some types of change quickly. Certain change is easier to accept than others, usually the change we initiate, want or that brings us benefit. The change that we didn’t want or brings us undesirable pain typically takes us longer to process. But even the desirable change can be mixed. Give yourself time to explore and validate your many feelings.

3. Focus on what you can control. When we feel overwhelmed, our natural tendency is to seek control. Unfortunately, our focus can be pulled to control aspects of the situation we are unable to control. We have no control over what has already happened, and we have less control over what will happen than we believe. The brain’s primary function is to keep you alive, so it will guess at all the bad things that will happen when change occurs. This is called catastrophizing. What it won’t do is guess at all the possibilities of good things that may happen. By focusing on what you can control, you can redefine what may happen and seek the possibilities of positive outcomes rather than only fearing the worst.

4. Make a plan. Putting yourself back in control and realistically recognizing what you can do will help you to identify the steps you can take toward your new future. This way, you feel empowered to regain your sense of direction and remove you from a state of stuckness.

5. Take small steps. Keeping your plans small and manageable can help you to make faster progress than large steps. You build momentum and feel successful more often.

6. Seek support. You may feel lost or confused at any of these points. Find solace in talking with someone you trust and who can both help you define and process as well as celebrate with you in your steps of success.

Whether you are encountering a new relationship or a lost one, living in a new place, starting a new class, not receiving the scholarship you wanted or any number of changes, change brings with it unexpected feelings and challenges. When change occurs, you are greeted with the opportunity of practicing flexibility and growing in ways that staying the same never would have offered.

Consider how technology can help: Todoist is an app for making to-do lists (Apple and Android available); Calm.com can help you to reflect and provide personal exploration for motivation; or listen to The Change Academy podcast for inspiration.