Respect queer expressions of love this Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day: the holiday queer people (and singles within every community) simultaneously love and dread. This love-centered day is made for and by cishet couples to celebrate their love, while queer people often feel kicked to the curb and forgotten.

Everywhere we look are hallmark examples of heterosexual couples, with little to no representation of queer ones. However, let us not forget the bisexual couples that may present as heterosexual-passing and who are just as valid in their expression of love, no matter whether they “look” a certain sexuality.

Those who don’t fit into the stereotypical, binary mold are often unable to do the things straight couples do without fear of discrimination and violence. Many queer individuals are familiar with the experiences of being stared at, insulted, targeted and stereotyped.

The classic Bennie-Johnnie trope alone is enough to bar the LGBTQ+ community from openly expressing their definition of love.

Valentine’s Day is yet another reminder of whose love is accepted and whose is defamed. Note that how we define acceptance has historically been based on gender and gender expression.

Given the binary in which we reside, expanding our vision of acceptance is not only a challenge but also pertinent to maintaining the community values we so heavily promote. Now, Wednesday may have been difficult for singles regardless of sexual orientation, but we hold that queer individuals here are under more scrutiny than those of normative sexualities.

The narrative surrounding what a couple looks and acts like is largely binary, yet not everyone finds themselves confined by binaries. The queer community is an easy example of varying expressions of love, where many members feel differing levels of romantic and sexual attraction.

Some people will use this as a weapon to shame and devalue the existence of non-straight persons, especially on a day devoted to love, but maybe this is due to a lack of understanding or appreciation for the true beauty of love of all forms. Yet there are so many more similarities between straight and queer couples than differences.

Yes, gay and queer folks show an arguably more expansive definition of love than our straight counterparts, but that doesn’t have to divide us any longer.

Representation of all kinds—for platonic relationship love, a love for nature, a love for your chosen families and friends, a love for yourself or queer/LGBTQ+ love—can be made possible by valuing a truly human experience that transcends the exclusion and far too often binary nature of the “love day.”

Where representation is lacking this Valentine’s Day, we urge you not to separate yourself from the queerness of another’s love and instead do them a favor: treat us like everyone else and try not to stare.

LGBTQ+ students, staff and faculty do not want anything different from our heterosexual and cis-gendered peers; we want Valentine’s Day to be a happy celebration with all types and expressions of love, even when they defy our social norms.

Queer people can’t stop loving and living as ourselves, no matter if we’re accepted or not. So, if you happen to see or hear about a queer celebration of love this Valentine’s Day, take it not as a chance to be homophobic, but as an opportunity to be compassionate and loving to someone different from (yet just as deserving and valuable) as you.

Want to get more involved with QPLUS? Stop by the Lavender Lounge or visit us at the Multicultural Center on Friday, Feb. 16 from 4-5 p.m. for our “Speed Friending” event. Remember to always Love Thy Neighbor. Love, QPLUS.