Raw and honest memoir encourages self-love, introspection

If you’re anything like me, Valentine’s Day brings out your absolute worst.

Aside from 50% chocolate on Feb. 15, I enjoy very little about the holiday, which is odd considering the rate at which I consume stereotypical romance novels with overly predictable tropes. However, I firmly believe in showing others love and appreciation year-round rather than on one random day in mid-February when the weather is dreary and the seasonal depression is at an all-time high.

What I can get behind, though, is practicing self-love. As much as I considered compiling a list of my favorite romance novels in honor of the holiday, I instead focused my efforts on finding a memoir that, in my opinion, speaks to growing older, navigating evolving relationships and somehow finding yourself in the process.

Dolly Alderton’s “Everything I Know About Love” changed my perspective on love, loss and everything in between. I picked it up on a whim while wandering around my favorite NYC bookstore and haven’t stopped thinking about it since. For context, I finished the book in December.

A native of the United Kingdom, Alderton’s voice resonates with her readers.

Comprised of short anecdotes, recipes, lists and poetry, the memoir reads like a conversation between you and your older sister or best friend.

It’s like a well-kept secret or staying up all night at a sleepover–comforting and something you want to hold onto forever.

Don’t get me wrong, however—Alderton is a proponent of tough love. She spares nothing while recalling the successes and missteps of early adulthood, detailing everything from her tumultuous dating life and struggles with her body image to her encounter with alcoholism and experiences with sexism. Her story is raw and honest, which is why it resonates with many readers.

There is often a push for people to present an idealized version of their lives to society. When asked how we are, the default answer is “fine” when, in fact, there is a high likelihood that we aren’t actually fine.

“Everything I Know About Love” crushes stereotypes and encourages readers, especially women, to take charge of their own narratives. Alderton suggests we turn away from finding Love with a capital “L” and instead prioritize learning to love ourselves.

It is not easy; however, she acknowledges the beauty found when we embrace the love that already exists in our lives.

“When you’re looking for love and it seems like you might not ever find it, remember you probably have access to an abundance of it already, just not the romantic kind,” Alderton said in the book. “This kind of love might not kiss you in the rain or propose marriage. But it will listen to you, inspire and restore you. It will hold you when you cry, celebrate when you’re happy and sing with you when you’re drunk. You have so much to gain and learn from this kind of love. You can carry it with you forever. Keep it as close to you as you can.”