Speaker talks relationships

On Tuesday, Nov. 15, CSB Campus Ministry hosted an event titled Relationship Red Flags. Rebekah Phifer, a representative from the Anna Marie’s Alliance, spoke about the different red flags in relationships and what makes a relationship healthy.

Lexi Torres, a CSB sophomore and member of the Spirituality and Social justice team for CSB Campus Ministry, organized the event and explained why she felt it was an important event for CSB+SJU students to attend.

“Due to the Pat Hall incident last fall, I felt it is still relevant and needed to bring awareness, especially on a college campus. It is important to help students know information about healthy relationships and different resources available to them in case they need help,” Torres said.

The Anna Marie’s Alliance is a women’s domestic violence shelter based in St. Cloud and has been operating since 1979. The shelter provides safety, shelter, support and services to survivors and their children. Phifer spoke about the importance of helping survivors but also identifying the different red flags in relationships to prevent abuse before it begins. Phifer spoke about the spectrum of relationships and what traits can be healthy and what traits can become abusive.

“All relationships fall somewhere on the spectrum from unhealthy, healthy and abusive. A lot of unhealthy traits can be abusive. It all depends on the intensity and the frequency of them,” Phifer said.

Phifer discussed how traits can evolve into red flags and continued to discuss some common red flags in relationships and what traits can be looked for or commonly seen in abusive relationships. According to Phifer, moving quickly in a relationship and saying “I love you” early on could be potential red flags. On the other hand, constant criticism about one’s personality and who one surrounds themselves with are also potential reasons for caution.

In addition to discussing how to identify red flags and abusive relationships, Phifer discussed the ways to leave and get help from an abusive relationship. She discussed the importance of making a plan and making sure you surround yourself with people who are able to help you and support you in whatever you may need.

“You can’t expect a person’s behavior to change if you don’t alert that person that their behavior needs to change. So, addressing the issues is to confront it head on. And that is a very terrifying thing to do,” Phifer said.

Phifer advises having a plan when confronting an abuser and considering all possible outcomes of the situation before taking action. Phifer reminded everyone of different ways you can also help support someone you may think is in an abusive relationships and discussed the importance of letting them know you are there to help. Additionally, she mentioned how hard it can be for victims to even take the first step and admit or realize their partner is abusive.

“The hardest thing to do is to just take that first step and actually acknowledge that they’re being abused. So any way you can support them in taking that first step is really important,” Phifer said.

Students who attended the event discussed why they went to the event and their major takeaways.

“The event sounded cool as a self check for my own relationships. Some of it was stuff I had heard before, but it was good to learn more about it and the different resources available,” CSB sophomore Carina Bustos said.

Additionally, students discussed how it helped them to better understand the different factors of a relationship and the importance of focusing on having a healthy relationship.

“It’s good to have a better understanding of a healthy relationships and how you can help others and be an advocate for them,” SJU sophomore Emanuel Popoca said.